Ask not what brown can do for you...

Has it really been three months since I last posted something here? Yikes!

Well I guess there is no time like the present to remedy that little oversight. And so here it goes:

As some of you reading this may already know, I have been spending the last few months since coming back from California doing freelance design work and also searching for any good full-time employment opportunities. Unfortunately for me, the current economy isn’t very favorable to finding a regular design staff position and I do not quite have the client base built up enough to really get by. So out of pure necessity, I began searching for any temporary or seasonal jobs out there that I could do while still continuing my efforts to find “real” work. This led me to find employment with UPS as a “Driver Helper” during the holiday season.

The job is basically “on-call”, which means they’ll call every day that they need me, and will not call on days they don’t. There is no guarantee of hours or even a set schedule, which is actually a lot more stressful than I would have guessed, but the upshot is that this job ends on New Years Eve. After that, there is no obligation to or from either party, which means hopefully I’ll have one or two solid leads on a professional job by that time.

As of this posting, I have worked two days as a helper and would like to now list out some thoughts and observations.

First – the daily life of a UPS driver is TOUGH! They average from 200-300 stops every single day. Note, the word stops does not mean total packages, it means actual stops that they have to park, go in the back of the truck to locate the package(s), walk up to the location with the item(s), place (or get signature if required), walk back to the truck, and then proceed to the next stop to do it all over again. If you haven’t already imagined, that is quite a lot of getting in and out of the truck as well as a lot of briskly walking with packages that can sometimes be quite bulky and heavy. It’s not a job for slackers or the out of shape as the pace must be rapid, otherwise you would never get your daily route completed.

The next observation I made is that for all the times I’ve bitched about UPS, now that I’ve spent a bit of time on the other end, I have a whole new respect and outlook for what they do. To be able to distribute as many parcels as what they do in such an efficient way is mind boggling! But the thing that has really struck me is that in the face of such a huge workload, UPS really goes out of its way to ensure safe delivery of each item. For example, a typical home delivery is a standard “driver release”, which means no signature is required and the package can be left at the residence. But instead of just chucking it onto the porch and moving on, the driver will knock once, then scout a location near the front door to hide it from street view (often behind bushes, columns, or other obstructions that will prevent any would-be thieves from easily spotting it), and then they give a second knock before walking away. If the package was placed in a spot that it may not be easily found by the homeowner, we will even leave a note on the door specifying where it can be found – just to be sure. In fact, there even times when we have taken a package around to the back door if it was something of high value such as an LCD TV or if there was no reasonably good spot to hide it in front. All of that extra attention takes time, time that the drivers typically don’t have, but they do it anyway.

Of course there are certainly some jokers out there who do not go to these lengths and I’m sure just about everyone has a story to tell about some shady UPS driver doing something dumb (plenty of YouTube videos are available as evidence), but overall I would have to say that UPS does a great job at providing valueable delivery for an economic price. The flip side of that coin is that sometimes you can get some customers that are unbelievably off-base with their expectations, such as the following video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1qUd9na_PQ

If you notice at the end of the video, the package in question was tucked near the front door, behind a bush, thus preventing it being seen from the street (and helping to mitigate the risk of theft), but this toolbag keeps ranting about how the driver “threw” this piece of electronic equipment into a mound of snow. First of all, while true that there is snow, the package certainly wasn’t in a mound of it. Secondly, do you know anybody who could “throw” a package behind a bush, and to the side of the porch with such accuracy? I don’t. This parcel looks obviously placed, not “thrown”…HUGE difference! The third item is given the brown corrugate box, how was this driver to have any idea what was inside of it, electronics or otherwise. Fourthly, if it was electronics, SO WHAT!? When companies ship sensitive things like that, they use a TON of foam inserts, corrugate pads, etc in order for the item to survive the rigors of shipment, which means the actual item is very likely nowhere near the plain brown outer carton. Fifthly (is that a word?), having your item sitting on top of non-melting snow in NO WAY affects it. It’s no different than leaving it on the front porch, cold weather is cold weather. Period.

I suspect that this guy was riled because the driver didn’t show up, knock on the door, place the package on a silk pillow, wait, wait some more, and when he finally did answer the door, the driver didn’t hand him a fresh cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows on top. If he wanted that kind of service, that’s fine, but you have to pay for it and it certainly isn’t included with the standard UPS Ground delivery.

It’s also worth noting that he has his comments turned “off” for that video… he was probably getting too many people calling him out on his nonsense.

Now having ranted about that video, again, there are plenty of videos showing UPS drivers doing dumb, dumb things. No question. But the moral of the story is that everyone should bear in mind that these guys have a tough job to do, and they generally do the best they can to make sure your stuff gets to you quickly, efficiently, and safely.

On the other side, let me now address what you, the average customer, can do to help ensure the smooth delivery of your stuff. First of all, if you want hand delivery from the driver directly to your hands, sign up for the “signature required” option. The typical UPS driver doesn’t have time to wait for every single customer to maybe answer the door. They need to get moving as there are plenty of other people who want their stuff too! If you want the cheapest option, then you need to make peace with the fact that your package is going to be left unattended by the driver. The good news though is that they will try their best to keep it out of sight and out of the weather (in case of rain). But you can help there by making sure there is something near your front door that can be used for hiding parcels. Bushes are common, but so are planters, chairs, and other décor. It really does help the driver to have a quick and convenient option to hide your stuff from public view, and they’ll love you for it!

If you have a special place you’d like the driver to leave your stuff, by all means make a note of it on the front door. Nine times out of ten these instructions are complied with, the exception being instructions that are completely unreasonable or even dangerous. Delivering a package to you shouldn’t look like Indiana Jones navigating the Temple of Doom – Quick, Easy, and Safe is the idea.

On the safety note, for the love of god people, keep your dogs inside or in the back yard. All dogs hate UPS drivers (USPS and FedEx are no exception), and as much as your may love your Fido and think he is just the cutest and bestest friend in the world, we don’t want to get mauled by him. Ever. Period. So please keep them under control. That’s just common decency.

In closing, just remember that your UPS driver wants you to be happy with their service, but you need to make sure your expectations are in check with which level of service you actually paid for and it certainly doesn’t hurt for you to make it as easy as you can for your package to be delivered safely and securely.

Now stop reading this and go order something online will ya!