It turns out that April was a very good month for freelance work, which is good considering how bad March was. Now here on the first of May, it seems a good time to reflect and update my loyal readership on things at this point.
First, let’s tackle the job situation. Last week I travelled to my old stomping grounds of Milwaukee to interview for a Senior Design position with a company up there. I don’t believe I’d be going too far out on a limb by saying that this company and I would be an excellent match for each other. Period. Of course it doesn’t hurt that I truly think I nailed the interview(s) when I was up there. However I am really trying to temper my optimism and not let my hopes get up too high…I’ve been burned enough over the last eight months to know that nothing is guaranteed.
Second, let’s get a little more personal for once and discuss the whole love life thing (a topic I usually try to avoid). As all my close friends are no doubt aware, my attitudes on romance and dating have been somewhat jaded in the last nine years or so. I won’t get into gruesome detail, but the nutshell is that I dated a young lady back in the day and the whole thing mutated into something very toxic and I’ve been cleaning it up ever since. I allowed myself to become insecure, emotionally needy, and an overall mess for this girl, and as a result I’ve been extremely wary of getting close to anyone else lest it happen again.
For a time, my “heart of stone” mentality was useful and even fun. After all, it’s amazing how liberating it can be to not care about whether your latest fling will get hurt or not – another will come along in no time.
But ultimately, that is not who I really am nor what I really aspire to be. And so after the novelty of that selfish new attitude began to fade, I quietly began to ease off the accelerator of always being on the hunt and instead began to pay more attention to my friends and family.
I could content myself with the knowledge that while I’d certainly had my share of fun, I was now more mature and wanted to focus on other things. I reasoned that if the fates wanted more from me, they would present it. Until then, I would just be happy with all the great people already in my life and if I stayed single for the rest of my life, it would still be a happy and full one.
And true to form, when I am out with certain friends I find that while they are still very much trying to get me to talk to various random girls, I just really haven’t had the desire to put in the effort. The very thought of having all the same boring conversations that I’ve already had countless times before with all the other countless randos that I’ve talked to just makes me want to stay put, enjoy my drink and enjoy just being with my pals. Any one of those girls may have been just amazing and perfect for me, but I’ll never know since I just don’t have the motivation to find out.
However what I find interesting is the fact that there is one particular young lady out there who I think about all the time. I actually enjoy talking to her and what really is amazing is that it’s absolutely effortless. We just click. Always have. But, as with many things in life, timing is everything and we’ve just never been able to get our timing right. Ever.
And so here I am - on the verge of a (hopefully) big move to some other place, while she stays where she is (at least until she gets a chance to move to where she really wants to be). Maybe it was never really meant to be, but no matter what happens, I will say that it does my heart good to know that it is, in fact, not made of stone after all…
To that I say “Cheers!”
No comments:
Post a Comment